Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
I have not been good about blogging about my thoughts on becoming a dad for the first time. I realized this and it began to make me doubt whether I will be a good dad. If I can't even be attentive to blog about my kid how can I be attentive to my kid for real. That comes from deep with in the would of a man. All men have this wound. I chose to blog about it, impending fatherhood, and all that comes with it but I also choose not to listen to it.
That question "will I be a good father?". Will I be a good daddy? Am I good enough? Do I have what it takes? All those questions strike fear and uncertainty into the heart of a man. However, I know the answer and it is a positive one. No I don't have what it takes. Not on my own anyway. First and foremost, I have a heavenly father that I have been praying to ever since I first found out. I have been asking for wisdom and patience and know-how since day one. I am good to go.
I have a great dad though we had rough times in our relationship and I carried baggage for awhile all that is gone. He is a man of integrity and father I am proud of. At 32 years old I still call him Daddy sometimes, and though some would find that embarrassing that is who he is. I call him dad more and more now but I still can't help but call him daddy too sometimes.
I have an awesome wife that knows how to bring balance when I am out of whack. She is going to make a wonderful mom and mommy. We can handle anything together. I can not wait to see her in action; changing diapers, feeding, keeping the puppy at bay, cleaning, and with the other hand....doing everything else.
I have a community of friends and believers around me that will help, and encourage and lift up. Ones older and wiser to show the way, ones on the journey together in a similar place to come along side of, and even those who are younger and have more energy who will help when needed.
It is the 8th and the due date is the 15th. Soon a little boy will be living in my house. He will be pooping, and peeing, and spitting up, crying, and cooing, and waking the dead. The house is mostly ready. The nursery is painted, the clothes are hung, the furniture assemble (except for the glider and ottoman -- hurry up UPS!), the stockings are hung by the chimney with...oh wrong story. But more importantly my heart is ready.
It is a frightful thought to realize this little life, this little guy will be coming in for a landing on my watch. I will be responsible for his life, his every breathe of life, waking and sleeping. For 18 or more years. But I can do it. Not because I read some book or have watched enough episodes of The Cosby Show but because God has entrusted me to do so. And this little boy is in God's hands more than he will be in mine.
Currently reading :
Searching for God Knows What By Donald MillerRelease date: By 13 October, 2004
4 comments:
It is a scary thing! With two kids, Carson 1 and Riley 5, (yes, Kindergarten!) I often wonder what God was thinking. I sleep less, pray more and find myself humbled all the time.
Words of advice from a somewhat experienced father. Tell them you love them, even when they are young and don't understand. Learn the value of cuddling and don't too cocky when he says DaDa first because when he starts to reach and you are holding him and Becky comes around he will reach for her and cry if she doesn't take him.
Spending time with your child says more than any words ever will. Cliched? Sure, but a lot of father's forget that. It is not about stuff, its about time. You've got the right heart and you will do fine.
(Never called my dad, "daddy." I think he would punch me right in the mouth.
BillyV I don't think my dad would have punched me in the mouth...I KNOW my dad would have punched me in the mouth.
chris & bv
sorry you guys had such violent fathers but that explains alot about your personalities as adults. ouch. but it still is no excuse.
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