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I have a beautiful wife, an infant son & a schnauzer. viva la tex-mex. Words that describe or excite: Missional, Glocal, Lead, Innovate, Initiate, Create, Risk, Community

Saturday, December 23, 2006

My Theory on Wal-Mart

Current mood: Persnickety

Category: Politics and Government

Ok, Becky and I hate Wal-Mart. We think Target is wonderful. We absolutely loathe Wally-World. Everytime we must go to WM for any reason its always the same. We even have terms for our experiences at WM. Whenever you go to WM there are 'Vests' everywhere. However, once you get to the point where you find yourself needing assistance all 800 of the aforementioned 'Vests' that were crawling all over the store's ailses, shelves, back alleys, and registars suddenly have diappeared.

And don't get me started on what we call the 'Wal-mart Mom.' You know the lady that seems to have 4-6 kids none of which she has ever thought enough of them to bathe them or even give them a name. Seemly her only method of discipline is to yank them by the arm socket or scream obsenities at them. I am know you are not supposed to hit women but I just want to yank them around by their wrist and tell them to 'shut up stupid' and see how they like it. I get so pissed. I know parenting is going to be hard and at times frustrating beyond belief but come on! If I was 2 years old, sitting in an uncomfortable metal basket, having some lady with a cigarette hovering a few inches over the top of my head, dragging me all over tarnation, I would be pissed and tired and cranky and screaming and blowing snot bubbles TOO!!! Sorry I get worked up about 'Wal-Mart' moms. Let us move forward.

A bigger question is why do you never run into these ladies at Target? The prices I think are just as reasonable. The products are more dependable and well made (in my humble opinion). And for the most part you can find everything except the whole array of groceries at Target (unless God smiles upon your locale and blesses you with a Super Target.) When it comes to items they do share in common you can definitely find them easier at Target. Target is always cleaner, friendlier, faster, more well organized and it lacks that smell. What is the WM smell anyway, its universal to all WM. From Orlanda to El Paso, from Pipestone, MN to Pagosa Springs, CO, they all have that smell. Color me: filled with consternation.

Anyhoo, Becky and I have a theory. We believe it starts with the employees. WM makes their employees where those wacky vests. Who can have pride and confidence in their work when they wear one of those things? Its like an AWANA vest for grown ups. (If you aren't trackin' with me on that then I am not gonna unpack it for you here.) Target employees get to wear nice Khakis and the red polo. Target's attire is very causual and comfortable, yet classy and dignified enough for business. Their workers take a sense of pride in their job. Wal-Mart employees get a cheap vest which translates into little hope for pride in their work.

So next time you wonder why WM is dirty, stinky, and in disarray just look no further than the beat-down, begiled, vest wearing greeter. Stop right there and head over to Target. (I do want to pause here to give a shout out to one super cool, albeit vest wearing, greeter at our local WM, Herb, but he is by far the exception. Herb my man you are cool, but I bet Target is hiring.)

Next time maybe I will answer the question, "Why are there little school age kids here, on a school night at 2am. I am a youth pastor that explains why I am there, don't try and turn it around on me. Seriously, lady shouldn't your kids be at home in bed right now!?!?" -- on the next installment of My Theory on Walmart.

(editors note: Target did not pay me or have any overt influence on the writing of this blog. However, if after reading it they feel so inclined I would prefer target gift cards in increments of $25 and $50. Thank you and good night.)

Currently listening :
White Light, White Heat, White Trash
By Social Distortion
Release date: By 17 September, 1996

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