An Actual Email I Sent Today

Broadman & Holman is offering a free leatherbound Holman Christian Standard Bible (NT/Psalms-Proverbs edition) while supplies last.
http://www.broadmanholman.com/hcsb_giveaway.asp

BELOW IS MY SUBMISSION IN THE SECTION WHERE THEY ASKED:
"If you could design or build your own Bible, what would it be? (features, size, notes, etc.)"


To the Generous People at Broadman-Holman Publishing or to Whomever It May or May Not Concern,

I would design and build a Bible that combines application notes with Greek and Hebrew language notes while avoiding the errors of crappy Pre-Millennial Dispensationalist theology. It would include specific sections or articles on Jewish customs and historical background for original context clues. The historical background and context clues would be a great addition to a study Bible that I have thus far not seen in any Bible out; plus the usual maps, charts, indices, etc. ALL THAT FITS IN PALM OF YOUR HAND (i.e. Pocket PC and Palm OS capable) FOR UNDER $50.

Here is an Idea, sell the leatherbound editions and hardback editions of this Bible packaged together with a disc(s) that contains MP3 of the entire bible being read aloud by Sean Connery for your computer, car stereo or Ipod; along with the best features of all the pastors libraries out right now; packaged with a version for both Windows based Pocket PCs and Palm OS.

And one final suggestion, although I know you will be tempted to call it The Michael L. McMinn Study Bible, I advise a more popular name such as The Rich Mullins Hold Me Jesus Life Change Holy Ghost Fire Baptized Study Bible to End All Study Bibles.

Thanks for asking, I expect you will get right on that and I also expect to hear from you very, very soon.

Michael McMinn, MDivBL
903.***.****

P.S.
Seeing as we are Baptist you might consider removing the Holy Ghost Fire Baptized section of the title completely. Another option would be developing a special edition including the phrase to be sold in stores outside of Lifeway and SBC circles, including but not limited to Mardel Christian Stores, Family Christian Stores, Berean Stores, Parable Stores, Amazon.com, etc., to name a few.

An Uprising

I want to start a revolution! Don't you?

Are you tired of the status quo? Want to shake things up a bit? Or alot? Are you tired of chasing the elusive "American Dream" and the gerneral materialism, consumerism, commercialism, and business in life that this pursuit leads people on.

Do you feel like there is more to life then just serving your own needs and ignoring the social injustice and needs of the entire rest of the world? Does life feel hollow and empty? Do you know first-hand life is nothing like sitcoms or The OC? Do you long for deeper, more meaningful aspects to life?

Do you believe there is a God out there but He is much bigger and better than the caricatures of gods the religious people represent? Do you feel God doesn't want people to starve, sleep on the streets,, die from cureable diseases, or suffer alone and lonely? Deep down inside do you sense God not only wants to end suffering but that He wants you to join Him in doing something about it?

Religion is shallow and feeble and narrow-minded and I want nothing to do with it. What I do want is so much bigger than religion or politics or mascots. What my heart aches for is nothing that has ever come from the a religious organization or a political platform. Where it comes from is deep within me yet I know I can't do it alone. Will YOU join me? Will you seek to start a revolution? RISE UP with me against social injustice, poverty, familial devastation, famine, AIDS and disease, child abuse, immorality, and ego-centric leadership.

Arise! The Uprising must begin with you and me. Don't become a leader, become a follower. Follow your heart that says God cares about everyone and answer the call that tells you God wants you to put hands and feet to what your heart believes.

I want to start a Revolutoin, a Movement, an Uprising! I want to do it with people that care about others more than themselves. I want to live in community and connectedness with people that are willing to live beyond themselves. Serve others and connect with God to care for those less fortunate than me.

Are you with me?

Currently listening: The Mission Bell By Delirious? Release date: By 27 December, 2005

Current mood: Full of Hope
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

Living on the Outside of the Underground

I work with students! I get to work with students! As a youth pastor I work with teenagers and my life revolves around seeming them connect with God through knowing Jesus. And it is the most rewarding thing I can think of. It is such an honor and a blessing to live among teenagers and occassionally be invited into their world. They live underground and while most adults think we know them or have them "figured out." Really we only see what they allow us to see. Sometimes this concerns me, sometimes it breaks my heart, sometimes it frustrates me. Really all I try to do is sit at the steps that lead into their world and try to get to know them as much and as best as they will let me.

As an "adult" I am an outsider to their world and the only key to unlock that world and receive and invitation in is love and acceptence. I do love students. They keep my young and I used to think they helped me stay "cool" too. But I have realized that I am not "cool" nor do I really aspire to be. In their world cool is a facade and used to create a class structure more brutal and harsh than the caste system of India.

It sucks to realize to them, even those that I am closest too, in some ways I will always be an outsider. I don't know what that magic age is (I think it is different for everyone), nor do I even know if I am aware of when I became an adult in their eyes but at 32 I definately know I am there. But here is the kicker. That is what they want from me and that is what I can give them. They would never "let me in" and accept me if I tried to "fit in" and pose as one of them. Have you seen these adults? They are a joke to the kids and they are the ones that laugh with the kids not knowing they are the ones being laughed at. Teenagers are tough. They are brutally honest. They are willing to get real with you when they see that your motives are pure, your love is deep, and your patience and acceptance real.

I love students and am so glad God has put me on this path to get to be there for their joys and tragedies of life. I love to see those moments when they "get it." When they realize God is real; when they understand grace and mercy and forgiveness and unconditional love truly exists and God offers to them freely; when they have an "a-ha" moment; when they reach their full potential, or even just come to the understanding and belief that they have potential; when they realize God has a purpose and a plan for their lives, and that their lives are full of meaning; when I get to be there and see that--that is a reward far greater than any downside.

I have been yelled at, cussed out, hit, mocked, betrayed, let down, egged, wrapped, lied about, lied to, stolen from and ignored. None of that compares to a single instance of joy derived from students live being changed by the love and forgiveness found in Jesus Christ. One moment of seeing a student forgive a parent that has hurt them deeply, step up to leadership, memorize a passage of scripture and apply it, step outside themselves to love and serve others, realize their are others less fortunate then they are, repeat back to me something I taught them when I thought they never listened, anyone of these moments can overshadow a monthes worth of set-backs, heart-breaks, and beat-downs.

God is the reason I get up in the morning. Students are the reason I can go to bed at night, tired but with the knowledge and satisfaction of knowing that I am making a difference even when the acknowledgment is often short lived or seldom seldom expressed beyond a quick head nod or smile.

Thanks Jesus and thanks to all my students past and present that "let me in," "got it," and "live it."

Current mood: moxie-ish
Category: Automotive
Currently listening: A Burn Or a ShiverBy Edison Glass
Release date: By 04 April, 2006

The little dock that stood.

Week before last we got alot of rain in a short amount of time. And on the way to work there is a little farm with a barn with the Texas flag pointed on the roof of the barn. It sounds to quaint to be true but it is. And they have slowly been "spiffing" the place up. Cleaning out the fence row. Putting in a new gate. Digging up an old crumbling storm cellar. Building a new barn. Digging out some stock ponds and doing some general landscaping and drainage work with a back hoe.

Well this one little pond has been sitting all through the summer and most of the winter with just a little pool of water at the bottom. The pond is right up close to the western fence and right on the otherside of the fence are the railroad tracks. I look at this pond often because I get caught alot by the train. To be specific I get caught by the train everytime I am late to work or in a rush to get home. So I sit and look at this pond. For the last year or so the North Texas area has been drought sticken and fire prone. This little pond, with a shallow puddle of a few inches of water about the size and depth of a one of those plastic kiddie pools that you get at walmart, has a nice new dock built out over where the water should be but isn't.

Or I should say wasn't. After the torrent of rains we say about a week and a half ago that is ancient history. Now you can only see the top railing of the dock. The whole thing save the top arm railing is submerged. This is so funny and heart breaking at the same time. Here we have had this drought going and I thought the pond would never fill up. For monthes it seemed like such a waste and a sad reminder of the drought that plagued the whole area. Now the opposite is true. There is such and over abundance of water that it has found a completely new way to render the dock completely useless.

Either way the dock looked absurd. There it stood way to big for the little pond yet at the same time still not far enough out to reach the water. Now it stands hardly even recognizable submerged in water about 3 feet to deep to be useful. I just have to laugh. I think this is such an accurate picture of how God works in our lives sometimes.

Don't get me wrong. I don't mean to say that God is cruel or that He has a mean spirited sense of humor. What I mean is that we make our plans, we structure our lives, to fit a certain perspective, ours. And then God comes along and does what He does and we find ourselves completely missing the point--as in the case of the dock when it didn't even reach out over the tiny pool of water that exist in the shallow basin of the empty pond. Or God comes along after we have been praying, even crying, begging, pleading, or wrestling with Him to bless us and when it happens we are so overwhelmed and overtaken by it that we are no longer recognizable as our former selves.

I hope God will use this in my life to remind me daily and constanly to stop trying to build my dock based on where I want the water to be or hope it to be--I do this most days I think.

a quote for it.

"Why blame the dark for being dark? It's far more helpful to ask why the light isn't as bright as it should be." -Rob Bell

DBL STNDRD

Do things sometimes not go your way? Do you sometimes think LIFE isn't going your way? I know I do. For the most part I am a pretty laid back guy when it comes to the difficulties and hardships that life can throw at us. But sometimes it just gets to be too much to handle. I have been crying out to God all day. I have been sitting a church office with other 'pastors' and 'church staff' and been on the verge of tears all day. I just can't handle 'one more' thing sometimes. It is scary because today noone seemed to notice. Is that because I am a good liar? Am I good at not being real? Is anybody good at being real?

I don't like to share that "I can't handle it." In ministry sometimes we are lead to believe that we put others needs before our own and sometimes I think we take that to mean that our needs are not important at all. They are but I don't want to share my needs and thus expose myself to the possibility of being labeled "needy." What a catch-22? I think that is Satan rather than God. If you are reading this and you are a "lay person" realize that pastors are people too. We have feelings and hurts and needs and -gasp- even wants too.

God in His word makes it very clear that we are ultimately accountable to Him and that He holds us to a higher standard. But from one human to another: we are just human. Don't put us on a pedastal or hold us to a higher standard than you would hold for yourself and your own family. That is hypocrisy. And more importantly it sets you and me, both of us, up for failure. I fail when I don't live up because I am human and you fail because you focus on false standards for others while ignoring the high standards God calls all believers to equally. Requardless of rank or title or position God says "Be holy for I am holy." There is no pay scale of holiness. I am to have intergrity in what I do however you are not held to a seperate lower level of integrity.

Pastors have wives and families that are real, ordinary, normal people that have needs and desires and feelings like everyone else. I hope you realize that if you expect something out of others that you don't expect out of yourself then that is hypocrisy. I do think that Jesus was not just good at being real but that He is "the most real." He hung out with sinners never judged them harshly and was chastised for loving them. He accepted people for who they were and found ways to extend grace to them so that they would realize who they could become.

I am trying, sometimes miserably, sometimes well, to become more like Jesus. He is my standard, not anyone else. I hope He is your standard too. Not for me or for others, but for yourself first. Remember the only time He dealt harshly with people was when they were using a double standard to judge people and using God's name to condone their own hypocrisy. Let us both look at Jesus as our standard rather than each other and we will realize we are more like brothers than enemies.

Are we known for the wrong things?

I am increasingly bothered by the fact, maybe even disturbed by it, that we as Southern Baptists specifically, and Christians in general seem to really be good at expressing what we are against. We are known for what we are NOT about. We are AGAINST abortion, homosexuality, gambling, speaking in tongues, alcohol. What message are we sending? Is it the message Christ gave us or our own?

We have the single most powerful, life-changing, life-giving, life-affirming message in the world and most people out there can not articulate it. Even if they are not Christians it seems like we have the power to get our message out to people. They know all these things we are against yet we can't get out the message of what we are for. One simple, solitary, singular message of salvation, hope, forgiveness, mercy, love, and grace and we can't share that.

It's the media's fault. They report what they want, right? Not if we don't spew all over the place about the wrong things. If I was a gay gambler with a drinking problem seeking to have an abortion I would never ever think to turn to the church. I would think hey those people are the ones that hate me and don't want me there. They are against me.

Why don't we get it? We play right into the enemies hands. And if when I said enemy, you thought of people or 'the media' then ask God's forgiveness. Our enemy is Satan and he has deceived us into thinking that moralistic rules and telling people what not to do is the answer. Many in our ranks even believe political influence and power is what we need. Have we not learned from history. Everytime we attempt to couple the Kingdom of God with a political party of anykind we 'screw the pooch.' Remember Constantine, the Inquisition, the Crusades, and on and on?

Yes, the full gospel includes mans sin and need for repentence, forgiveness, and a savior. That is the offense of the gospel. Let us, His people, present the message and let it be the offense, and let us stop making up new ways to offend, let us stop creating stumbling blocks. We most often present ourselves as standing with arms folded, or fingers wagging, or hands raised grasping a picket sign. How about for once we stand with our arms wide open lovingly embracing those God has sent us to? I never read the part where Jesus said "Go into the world and stand across the street from them with megaphones and t-shirts and placards"

I am not soft on sin, especially the sins of the religious. And I count myself as among those I am talking too. I am often blinded by self-righteousness, I am all too often caught up in the rants of the 'chosen,' and more times than I want to admit I find myself at the place where I have to turn to Jesus and ask Him to forgive me for my pride and my jugdmental attitude. I just hope that today I can live out love to those that need it rather than listing off the kinds of people I won't accept. I believe there are countless things I could concern myself with, a few things to even worry about, but only one thing that matters enough to share with the world. And when we share that one thing with the world, that can not be taken away.

SBC.Trustee.IMB.RE:baptize.Pharisees?

I would like to blog some thoughts tonight. This has been bothering me for a few days to weeks now. Who cares? I do and I don't. I was going to say something but now I wont, maybe.

I do not want to jepordize my life long dream of becoming a trusted Trustee of the SBC. I must not speak out against them or attempt to engage in frivolous dialogue. Don't bring Scripture into it. Build a hedge around the law with new laws just to be safe. Jesus never opposed anyone for doing that. I want to be a trustee so I agree with everything wholeheartedly and never have a different opinion in my brain. Sick.

I hope I didn't make any mistakes, errors, typo's, or misspellings in this blog. That could be construed as speaking in tongues somewhere in my past. Did I mention I am so glad that I already KNEW EVERYTHING AND AGREED WITH EVERYTHING they taught me at seminary? Otherwise I might have had to have been rebaptized.

Isn't that exactly what Jesus commanded? "Go into the world and make disciples baptizing them in the three-fold name: Father, Son, Holy Spirit. Teaching them all I have commanded. And as you teach them, everytime they come to a new realization about me; everytime their theology is transformed by a new insight into scripture; everytime they learn something new; everytime they are convinced of something they formerly doubted; everytime; everytime; everytime, REbaptize them!"

Jesus just threw up a little in his mouth!

I wonder how He would feel when they rejected Him as a suitable candidate for Trustee? Or how shocking it would be to realize that the IMB sets extra-biblical standards that would even disallow Jesus to be sent as an international missionary. After all Jesus intercedes on our behalf with groans and utterings beyond what we ourselves can communicate. None of the Apostles present at Pentecost would be allowed to go as IMB missionaries either. The IMB has succesfully come up with a hedge of protection are the Law that works so well Jesus and the best missionaries and church planters He personally mentored would not have qualified to be sent. I am so proud. This is such a great moment in history. I am thinking Jesus didn't need them then maybe they are pointing out they are obsolete now too.

A QUOTABLE QUIXOTIC QUOTE

Never scratch a tiger with a short stick!

Call Karma, Call Karma Earl. Maybe Karma will Save Us!

Randy: I’m sorry Earl. It’s my fault. I was bad and so something bad happened to me. Karma, it’s like you’re always telling me.

Earl: it just doesn’t make sense though. Why is karma punishing me. You were the one doing bad things with Ralph. I’ve been good.

Randy: yeah you have been good. Hey, maybe if you call karma it might come and save us. Call it.

Earl: Randy. It doesn’t work like that. It’s Karma, not Lassie.

Randy: come on, you just try it.

Earl: Randy I’m not gonna call...

Randy: come on Earl. We’re about to lose everything and its all my fault, can’t you just try it.

Earl: fine. Kar-ma. (listens for a reply) see it doesn’t work.

Randy: (whispers) try it louder

Earl: Karma!

This is a tad bit of the dialogue for the NBC sitcom My Name is Earl (Episode #5: Teacher Earl) and when I watched it for the first time it struck me as hilarious. I was eventually crying I was laughing so hard. And thanks to our DVR (Digital Video Recorder) on our Dish I watched it repeatedly that first night.

At the same time that it struck me as so funny it also just struck me but the humor was so great at the time I just tucked the other thought away in my head for later. Well now is later. The thought of someone calling karma to come to the rescue much like Lassie did in her prime is hysterical. We can all see the humor in this right?

Yet in a very real sense this speaks to a much deeper, and probably less humorous issue. Think about a couple of things. Millions of people, more likely billions, of people expect karma or something like it to get them through life. If you do more good than bad you are gonna be ok. If you try to do good things then good things will come to you. Sounds good right. We see people that are generally 'good' poeple and their lives seem decent. And we see people on the news everynight that commit crimes and yet there they are on the news getting what they deserve. So this idea must be valid in some form right?

Well wait a minute. What about all the 'good' people that aren't getting good in return? What about the people on the other end of those 6 o'clock news stories, the victims? Are not many of them 'good, decent' people on the tragic side of the story? And when we look at them and hear there stories don't we want justice? Doesn't something inside of us cry out for justice?

It is so laughable to think of someone standing in a room calling for Karma to come and save them. Karma, Earl points out to Randy (bless his heart) that Karma isn't like Lassie. And how right he is. Karma is an inanimate object, an impersonal force. Lassie is more alive and real than Karma. Yet people really believe in Karma and similar philosophical and religious ideas.

Yet there is only one belief system that answers this cry in our heart for someone to come and save us. The same person that comes to answer the cry of our hearts that longs for justice in this world, the cry to see wrongs righted, injustices corrected. There is only one personal savior that meets these demands of our heart. Jesus, there I said it. Only Jesus is personal. Only Jesus is real and came in flesh and blood and walked into the room and cut off the ductape that bound us (sin and death). Jesus entered into the room to right the wrongs in our heart. He came to be our personal saviour and answer the call. Christ came and he elevated the poor and weary, and marginalized among us to a place of honor. He lowered the self-righteous off their pedestals and stood against injustice. He spoke for the poor, the mistreated, the neglected and rejected.

The problem we have with that though is that it didn't end up the way we wanted. We would have no problem in this world embracing Jesus if the story stopped there. But, indeed, it did not. Come and save us (and make it easy too why dontcha), Karma, Jesus, Buddha, Lassie.
Unfortunately, it was costly to Him and it will be for us too. Jesus did immeasurably more good than anyone in human history and His reward: false accusations, false imprisonment, mock trials and mockery, beatings, beatings, and turture, and then Crucifixion, excruciating humilation and agonizing pain leading to death.

Salvation for us, but with a price. The price was His life for our life. His will for our will. His righteousness for our unrighteousness. He suffered so we must experience His suffering too if we want to be indentified with Him. Jesus did come into the room to save us and we rejected Him because we still think we can do it on our own strength. We still believe we can be good enough and good things will happen.

But this way never works and it never satisfies those deeper questions of why 'good, decent' people on the news are the victims of the 'bad' and why in the end we still cry out for justice, and not Karma. We still cry out for a savior, wondering how bad can happen even when we have been so good.

ultimately we can never outweigh the bad with the good and yet we don't have to. in grace we have been given the opportunity to call out for someone to save us and He will. Not after we have done more good than bad either. Simply call out and salvation is free. It is not cheap nor is it easy but it is there.

Grammatically Correct, Still Politically Incorrect

My wife is a darn fine English teacher and has a beautiful singing voice. Since you can not hear her on this blog the later gift will have to wait for a later date to be showcased. Maybe once I take the time to set up an audioblog account we will remedy that situation as well. Which leads me to ask the question, "Has anyone ever been signed to a record deal after being heard on a blog?"

Instead I put her highly underrated grammatical skills to the test. I had her proofread all my earlier posts (as I should have done long ago) and touch up my grammer mistakes and too-late-at-night-to-be-up typos. So if there are any previous posts that you were unable to get through because of your disgust with my erreverance for the English language now you can go back in time to finish a good read now made better (i.e. flawless) Which leads me to the question, "Has anyone ever been hired as an editor because of their work as a blog editor?"

Barbara Walters, "So would you like to tell us for the record how you came to be the editor-in-chief of the U.S. News and World Report from such humble beginnings?"

"Well, I had been editing my husbands blog over the course of a couple of monthes, and we got a call from...."

And the interview goes from there until Barbara gets to the point in every interview special where she breaks the person down, seeking her end result which is to always reduce the interviewee to a whimpering, shivering, sniffling, moist cheeked mess.

Way to go Mrs. Walters, bravo, you have done it yet again.

(Publishers note: This particular post has not been edited at time of said posting. The publisher hopes he is not sleeping on the couch later because of said publishers haste in posting. Would that be what is known as "post haste"?)

The Matirx is Real: Baby McMinn Enters the Matrix

Oh yeah, here is a pic that I said looked like the baby was entering the Matrix. Really it is when the doc set the lazers to stun, er I mean, she said "Beam me up Scotty?" Uh, hold on.

"Bec, What is this one pic again?" I yell into the house.

Oh yeah, sorry about that, this is when she was checking the heart rate. If you look over to the right you will see the heart beat was at 158. Good and strong.

I still like to pretend its the Matrix though. I doubt Bec will go for names like Neo or Morpheus, maybe she will go for Tank or Dozer though!

On Being a Dad: 02.07.06

This is Baby McMinn's first picture. First seeing is believing evidence that Baby Mc has arrived in this world. Becky would say throwing up was proof, and getting bigger, and being sleepy all the time, and 3 pregnancy tests were all proof. And they were. But what a relief to see that first picture of baby moving around in there, stretching, turning, twisting. It is so beautiful. We cried. We can't wait to see this little person and hold 'em in our arms. Wow. I want to cry and high five everyone all that same time. WooHoo!!!

On Being a Dad: 02.02.06

Okay, I am not patting myself on the back here. I genuinely mean what I say here. I really do feel it is an honor and a blessing to get to take care of my wife while she is pregnant. I am so happy that we are having a baby and I know it is only going to lead to more and more sleepless nights and lack of rest. I have been doing more of the cooking and cleaning already. And she is barely into the 2nd trimester.

I put her to bed, kiss her goodnight, pray with her, and then go to get some work done at the kitchen table. I have to lead some youth worker training sessions in Tyler and El Paso at the end of the month. (Any suggestions you can add to my topics would be nice, just post your comments here on: Effective Small Group Strategies and/or Leading Students to Make an On-Campus Impact.) It's now 11:15, I tucked her in around 9:55. I finally realized I wasn't gonna get much done before I myself was too tired to work on my outlines. So I am writing this instead. Mostly because I find it amusing and also even though it is a hassle I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I am no saint, mind you. I still sigh occassionaly when she calls me 10 times in 10 minutes. She calls me in from the garage where I am helping out by doing some late night laundry to email a friend about inviting someone to the upcoming Superbowl Party. So as I am finishing up the email she calls me to ask if we have stamps. She is in bed, what does she need with stamps?

"Have you fed the dogs?"

"No, I thought you did when you got home. I will do it now."

Then she calls for "Gatorade, only about this much (indicating about 2 inches with her thumb and index finger) in a glass-glass, not a plastic-glass," she says. When I return with the glass-glass of Strawberry Gatorade, she asks "and did i see some rice cakes on the kitchen table?"

When I return with the rice cakes (yeacth!) I wait for her to finish and wash them down with the gatorade. I ask if there is anything else. "No" she replys. And I head for the door. I hear her mumble and turn to see what she wants. "Turn off the hall light." Which is what I had planned to do, once I was actually in the hall.

Sometimes I think she is milking the pregnancy thing and I am just a sucker. But whatever, I am happy. I would not trade this for the world it is such an honor and a priviledge to wait on and serve the woman of my dreams, the one who is carrying our child. I am tired and going to bed. Why don't you send me those ideas and help me catch up on some rest?

Chuck Norris is a dancing machine, not a dancing queen.

Chuck Norris Facts is a website dedicate to the power and majesty of the man, the myth, the legend. We know him and love him as Chuck Norris. Visit the site and prepare to be amazed by the truth.

Inspired by the websites devotion to Chuck Norris, I decided to share some of the facts that I personally know about Chuck "Mr. Norris to you" Norris. These I have submitted to the aforementioned website for addition into the annuls of the great and ever growing legend of Chuck Norris.

Here below are the fruits of my experience while being in the presence of Chuck or at least in the same state:

You have heard of 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon. Chuck Norris is seperated from every human being on the planet by only 1 roundhouse kick to the face.

There is no such thing as a UFO, only objects Chuck Norris has roundhouse kicked into orbit.

Rodney Dangerfield gets no respect, especially from Chuck Norris who gets everyones respect or they get dead.

There are no black holes in Outer Space only a void where Chuck Norris has roundhouse kicked the crap out of the Universe.

Chuck Norris is a scientist because everytime he roundhouse kicks someone in the face he is proving the law of physics that states: No 2 objects can occupy the same space at the same time.

Einstein stated the absolute speed of anything is the speed of light. That is because he never met Chuck Norris.

Philosophers ask "Can Chuck Norris roundhouse kick a rock so far that he can not roundhouse kick it again?" Chuck Norris knows the answer and he isn't telling.

The age old question "Can God create a rock so big that He can not pick it up?" has been answered by Chuck Norris. "Yes I can" says Chuck but I don't have to pick it up when I can just roundhouse kick it right into your face."

We know Chuck Norris has counted to infinity: twice. Do you also know that both times he actually counted to infinity + 1 and then backwards to zero again?

When Rage Against the Machine wrote the lyrics "Here is something you can’t understand, How I could just kill a man" Chuck Norris said "I can," and he meant it.

Home is where the heart is, but Death is where ever Chuck Norris is.

Sad songs say so much, Chuck Norris says very little and then proceeds to roundhouse kick you and your sad little song.

Uncle Rico thinks he can throw a football over the mountains. Chuck Norris has roundhouse kicked a football stadium containing a sold out crowd across 2 galaxies.

Someone once accidently uttered the phrase "In your dreams" to Chuck Norris and now they dream of being alive.

Blue Oyster Cult sings "Don't Fear the Reaper." That song is not for Chuck Norris because he has no fear. In fact the 'cow bell' in the song is actually a loop of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking the Reaper.

On Becoming a Dad: 01.30.06

Ok, becoming a dad is going to be awesome. And it so cool to tell people and watch their reactions. And hear what it is going to be like and how it is going to change our lives. But who are these people that like to tell you their horror stories? What is the obsession some people have that want to tell us about all the aweful experiences they have heard about.

My wife was on the phone with one person for 2 hours hearing about horrible events and tragedies and 70 hour long births. Do people really think we want or need to hear any of this?

We get it. We know all too well life if fragile. We think of these things on our own. That is just how the human mind works. But the reality is when we think of it ourselves or it enters our mind we can pray it away and dismiss it. It becomes that much harder when people help us think of things to worry about. Thanks.

We know God is in control even if something bad happens but that doesn't mean we want to think about the worst case scenarios on a daily basis. Some peoples minds tend toward worry like my wife's. She knows worry is an issue in her life and prays about it often and trusts God despite what her emotions tell her. How about a little help in the right direction?

Don't get me wrong, most people don't mean anything by it and the majority of them probably realize 2 seconds after it comes out of their mouth that they should not have said it. They wish they could take it back. That happens. That happens to me alot. I live with a sole-of-my-shoe taste in my mouth. But everytime that happens I stop. I don't think of the next dumb, inappropiate thing I can say. I shift gears, move on, change the subject, apologize if needed.

There are just a few of us out there that go on and on and on and on about it. Well today I am giving you official permission to stop. No body likes to hear bad news. But if it happens we will be taken care of by family and friends and comforted by God. However, if the bad news is just what might happen, or could happen, or did happen to your cousin's sister's mailman's blah blah, then be a Debbie Downer no longer! There I have freed you by the power of my rant.

Urinal Cakes!

Between a recent episode of MXC on Spike!TV in which one of the contestants threw her fist in the air and eclaimed "I love urinal cakes!" and a post on a friends blog on "Urinal Talk" about the unspoken rules of etiquette we man have at the urinal, it got me to thinking.

They have partitions between toilets, why not urinals?

Who thought of calling them urinal cakes anyway? Cakes? Hardly!

Why are we so homophobic about this? Me included, I must admit I don't want some dude lookin' at my dude.

Do urinal cakes really work? No, they just make a disgusting new aromatic mixture of urine, sickening sweet whatever, and poo. What? Why?

And just because we can pee standing up, does that mean we have to do it up against the wall.

The toilet bowl makes for a much more fun target anyway, if you ask me. And then you don't even need urinal snacks.

Who makes urinal cakes? Is it Little Debbie? Betty Crocker? Sara Lee? Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee! Dolly Madison?

I hear people all the time say that after they eat asparagus, their pee smells like asparagus. What other foods have you encountered that have this same ability to affect the stink of your urine? For me the thing that comes to mind is Super Golden Crisp.

Weird. I am going to bed...

i only know a few

Six billion people in the world and I only know a few.

According to the International Programs Center, U.S. Bureau of the Census, the total population of the World, projected to 01/30/06 at 14:49 GMT (EST+5) is:

6,494,617,896