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I have a beautiful wife, an infant son & a schnauzer. viva la tex-mex. Words that describe or excite: Missional, Glocal, Lead, Innovate, Initiate, Create, Risk, Community

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Chuck Norris is a dancing machine, not a dancing queen.

Chuck Norris Facts is a website dedicate to the power and majesty of the man, the myth, the legend. We know him and love him as Chuck Norris. Visit the site and prepare to be amazed by the truth.

Inspired by the websites devotion to Chuck Norris, I decided to share some of the facts that I personally know about Chuck "Mr. Norris to you" Norris. These I have submitted to the aforementioned website for addition into the annuls of the great and ever growing legend of Chuck Norris.

Here below are the fruits of my experience while being in the presence of Chuck or at least in the same state:

You have heard of 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon. Chuck Norris is seperated from every human being on the planet by only 1 roundhouse kick to the face.

There is no such thing as a UFO, only objects Chuck Norris has roundhouse kicked into orbit.

Rodney Dangerfield gets no respect, especially from Chuck Norris who gets everyones respect or they get dead.

There are no black holes in Outer Space only a void where Chuck Norris has roundhouse kicked the crap out of the Universe.

Chuck Norris is a scientist because everytime he roundhouse kicks someone in the face he is proving the law of physics that states: No 2 objects can occupy the same space at the same time.

Einstein stated the absolute speed of anything is the speed of light. That is because he never met Chuck Norris.

Philosophers ask "Can Chuck Norris roundhouse kick a rock so far that he can not roundhouse kick it again?" Chuck Norris knows the answer and he isn't telling.

The age old question "Can God create a rock so big that He can not pick it up?" has been answered by Chuck Norris. "Yes I can" says Chuck but I don't have to pick it up when I can just roundhouse kick it right into your face."

We know Chuck Norris has counted to infinity: twice. Do you also know that both times he actually counted to infinity + 1 and then backwards to zero again?

When Rage Against the Machine wrote the lyrics "Here is something you can’t understand, How I could just kill a man" Chuck Norris said "I can," and he meant it.

Home is where the heart is, but Death is where ever Chuck Norris is.

Sad songs say so much, Chuck Norris says very little and then proceeds to roundhouse kick you and your sad little song.

Uncle Rico thinks he can throw a football over the mountains. Chuck Norris has roundhouse kicked a football stadium containing a sold out crowd across 2 galaxies.

Someone once accidently uttered the phrase "In your dreams" to Chuck Norris and now they dream of being alive.

Blue Oyster Cult sings "Don't Fear the Reaper." That song is not for Chuck Norris because he has no fear. In fact the 'cow bell' in the song is actually a loop of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking the Reaper.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dude I am sitting reading your post and laughing my head off (or did Chuck roundhouse kick it off)? I have to click off your page to take a drink of my DP from my "Hillbilly Homebrew" cup for fear I might spew it onto my laptop.

Great to see things never change with you.

In His Grip,
Chris Walls

The Bishop said...

Thanks for the birthday wishes! Did i tell you that Chuck Norris will be at my birthday party?

dtm said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
dtm said...

michael this stuff is great. i have no clue why it is such a craze.

freefollowing said...

breaking news: a special report just aired saying that chuck norris was sighted practicing roundhouse kicks during the rolling stones concert at the super bowl. he vowed to roundhouse kick mick jagger's lips into the next galaxy. then, he got run over by "the bus."